59. #CSAQT

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Child Sexual Assault Question Time (CSAQT) is a twitter chat that takes place at 10 AM Pacific Time.  It’s a wonderful place to come where we discuss all things relating to being a survivor of childhood trauma.

I should probably give some background. jaklumen and I had been on another twitter chat, #sexabusechat, for some months when this chat began.  The whole point of it was to make receiving online support easier for people in the United Kingdom (UK, 6PM Greenwich Mean Time).  It was headed up by Athena  Moberg and Bobbi Parish.

I must say, since this chat first started, I’ve seen a good deal of change in my life.  Seeing that people who live more than eight hours away from me suffer similarly to what I do, not to mention that some of what I’ve learned can be useful to them in turn, has been very freeing for me.

So, I know this is short, but I just wanted to take a few minutes to say thank you to Bobbi and Athena for setting up this awesome chat.

58. My Daddy

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My daddy passed away on Friday, the 17th of June, 2016.  Though we didn’t always get along, I would like to share these lyrics that come from a song in the LDS Children’s Songbook and some pictures of him from his collection in honor of his life and what he meant to me.

My daddy is my favorite pal and I help him every day.10993170635_eb40d68f5f_z

It’s plain to see I want to be like him in every way.8620257112_83a71e4ebc_z

He teaches me that honesty is best in all I do.

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I’m very glad that he’s my dad

It was my grandfather's 90th birthday.

 

and I know he loves me, too

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Miss you, Daddy.  Thanks for all that you taught me.

57. Herbal Tea

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  • stock-photo-portrait-of-women-feeling-the-cold-over-white-43614799When the weather is cold.
  • When I’m feeling less than myself.
  • When I’m thirsty.
  • When I’m feeling cold, even when the weather isn’t.
  • When I’m upset.

These are just a few of the reasons why I’m glad there is herbal tea.

Woman Holding Cup of TeaI’ve never been a coffee drinker and black tea just isn’t my thing.  Herbal tea, though.  You get the flavors.  You get the scents.  Some of them even have medicinal qualities that help you get calm or feel better if you’re sick.

So, to the ancient person who discovered herbal tea, thank you.  To the companies that manufacture herbal tea bags: Thank You.  To Good Earth, who makes my favorite tea with the inspirational quotations on the tags:  Thank You!  To the farmers that grow the herbs that go into the tea: THANK YOU!  Where would I be without you guys?

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Tag quote: You miss 100% of the shots you never take. -Wayne Gretzky

56. Lucy Tock

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anigif_enhanced-23965-1411264313-2_preview“Sometimes bad things happen to good people.” There was a time in my life when that sentence really annoyed me.    Yes, bad things happen to good people, but why do the bad people have to look so smug and happy about it?  Besides, I never believed that I was good, so wasn’t it normal for bad things to happen to me?

naughty-girlAfter a while, I came to accept the above aphorism as fact, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I still believed that I was the only bad person that bad things happened to.  It’s true.  I actually thought the things in my past happened because I was bad, somehow.

facebook-iconI’ve met lots of people since then, all good people that bad things happened to.  They welcomed me, drew me in, made me feel like I was one of them and, after a while, the voice in my head that said bad things happened to me because I was bad became quieter, but I still feel it whispering in the back of my head that I don’t really belong there.  That, as a bad person, I didn’t deserve the company of such good people.

Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia!That was when Lucy Tock reached out to me.  Poor girl.  She had (has) endured horrors that make my life look like an eternal picnic and she needed me for support and love. Given all the terror she has experienced at the hands of her family, I was pleased when she asked to call me “mommy.”proud-adoptive-mom

200_sI’ve done my best for her each day she has come to me.  However, on the days when that little voice that whispers to me that I am bad is at its loudest, she is there to counter it.  Why, you ask?  Because she knows that voice.  That same voice whispers the same thing in her mind.  Helping her has helped me to know that voice for what it really is: a lie.

So, Lucy, thank you for coming into my life.  Thank you for needing me.  Most of all, thank you for helping me see the truth.4759535950_3da0ea181e_o

55. Amanda

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If you read my previous entry, you’ll know that my son has been without his medications for quite some time.  Yesterday, we received his new prescription and I immediately dropped it off to the pharmacy and was assured that it would be ready by eight o’clock that evening.

I returned shortly after putting my son to bed, anticipating picking up the filled prescription, only to discover that EVERYTHING had been denied by his insurance company.  That means I had to send my son back to school today without his meds.

Yes, I did! Was I angry? YES! I was so angry that I had trouble sleeping last night.

This morning, I called the insurance company to find out why.  I talked to three people and the third was a wonderful person named Amanda.  Not only did she listen to me explain my frustration with being unable to provide my son with the medicine he needs to concentrate, she found out why the med had been denied and then she helped us figure out what to do about it.

NOT ONLY THAT!

She also called the pharmaceutical department and got them to approve the medication we’d been prescribed!  It will be ready in an hour!

Honestly?  I expected to be told that the medication wasn’t in the formulary (which, to be fair, she did), but Amanda went above and beyond and got us that med anyway, even though we are dead sure, based on the information which she helpfully gave us, that it won’t decrease his shaking.

Thank you, Amanda.  You’ve been a blessing in my life and I will never forget it.  May the dear Lord bless and keep you.

54. The Gratitude Challenge

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Hello, thankful people.  It’s been nearly a year since last I wrote in this blog, so If you’re still subscribed after all this time, you have my gratitude.

This week has been just one trial after another for me.  First of all, last Sunday, we ran out of the medications for my son’s ADHD.  Without them, it’s hard to get my son to do anything we need him to do.

I was able to look at this at least partially as a blessing in disguise.  Ms. S, my son’s teacher, has been telling us fairly consistently that my son’s handwriting was suffering because he was fighting some shaking in his hands.  Being without his medications for a week showed us that the medication was to blame for this, because the shaking stopped.  We were pleased to be able to tell his psychiatrist this (she had said that the medication shouldn’t be causing shaking).  As a result, we are looking forward to getting a new medication for my son.

Now, I know, you’re saying, “But, Cimmy, you said last week was a trial!”  Technically, just Sunday was.  You see, Saturday, we went to the local autism support center for a Trunk-or-Treat and my son filled up a medium-small canvas bag just as full as he could with candy because the parents who were participating didn’t limit the amount they were passing out.

Being a conscientious parent, I chose to limit the amount of this outstanding haul that he was allowed to partake.  Needless to say, my son was very much displeased when I put the rest of it away.  Sunday morning we found him in his room with the entire bag just grazing through the lot of it as fast as he could.  I took the bag away again and hid it.  My son’s response to this was the usual temper tantrum I’ve come to expect when he can’t have his way.

We managed to convince my son to get dressed for church, but he complained about not being able to eat his candy all the way to church and through most of the service.  Finally, I ended up dragging him bodily from the chapel.  Eventually, we were able to return, but my son went to sit with his Primary Teacher and I went to sit with the rest of my family.  I was not happy, though.  As is typical for me, I blamed myself for the entire sorry business and was completely depressed by the time I got home.

That’s when I remembered that one of my subscribers, I don’t really remember who, had made a suggestion regarding what I should do when I’m feeling particularly low.  He said something like, “You should read these through.”  So I opened up this blog and I read.

I read about the first blessing I ever listed, about how much I love my Heavenly Father.  I read through my first and second Thanksgiving Blessing-a-thon posts, all twenty entries.  I read through a blog post about someone who inspired and continues to inspire me. I read about how glad I was that my daughter was wearing her helmet when she was hit by a car and that my son’s MRI came out normal.  I read about how happy I am that I can see colors and fix things that are broken.  I read through them all, even the ones that I’m not so sure of any more (Don’t worry. I’m not deleting anything.)  Do you know what?  I felt better.  I even feel better, just writing this post to you, remembering all those wonderful blessings I wrote about last year.

So, subscriber, whoever you are, I want to thank you.  I’m sorry I’ve forgotten your name, but I’ll never forget your advice.

Identify 100 things that make me happy (besides money): Snow

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43Things was a short-form goal sharing site that went offline New Year’s Day, 2015.

(Originally published at 43Things on 2007-12-15)

Allow me to count the ways that I *do* find happiness in snow:

Icicle lights at home-- now with paper snowflakes!

  • When it really snows, a blanket of white covers the often stark features of a winter landscape fairly well.  I enjoy looking out for miles over such a scene, contemplating the whiteness.
  • I still find happiness in making something out of snow, although it has been years since I made a snowman.  I still look on my experience with winter camping fondly, even though I had a double charlie horse (strained thighs suddenly and painfully pulling taut) that evening sleeping in the snow house.
  • I really do enjoy keeping my driving skills sharp in snow-covered roads.  People driving unwisely have starker consequences in such, but… y’know, around here, they drive like that year-round.  So I choose not to mutter about snow on the roads.
  • Snow is infrequent here, so it’s a special treat when it comes.  I know some locals groaned when we had a few rare snowstorms in years past, but I remember them fondly, even when it went into sub-zero temperatures _Fahrenheit_.  Of course, the farmers have mixed opinion about the snowfall and precipitation in general– some patterns are good for the wheat, and some better for the fruit orchards.  But I think most find relief when the Cascades have received adequate snowpack, especially those in the Yakima Valley that rely on it being a source of irrigation.  And it’s always a happy thing for me to read when they are optimistic about crops 🙂 especially if I am able to go enjoy some of it.