Let’s get right to the point, here. I have dysthymia. That’s a fun psychological disease that steals the joy from every part of your life, if you let it. I’ve described it as similar to driving habitually in a ditch and occasionally hitting a deep pot hole from which you wonder if you’re ever going to be able to move your car. Just the act of steering toward the road, where other people drive, is an act of pure will.
That’s when I decided I needed to experiment with new and better ways to love myself. Ways to make it easier for me to drive in the road instead of in the ditch. I started out trying other people’s ideas. “Fake it until you become it,” someone suggested. I tried that. Lose some weight? Still working on it. Take a walk? Too busy. Try something new? The high was too temporary. Read a book? The non-fiction ones I couldn’t stick with. The fiction ones I never wanted to leave, so I wasn’t getting anything else done.
Finally, someone said something that struck a cord with me. “cultivate an attitude of gratitude.” It was like a light coming on in my head. I realized that this was how I could begin to feel good about who I am, by counting my blessings. Doing so publicly would keep me honest and help me to be earnest about my blessings because I’d be more or less forced to explain my choices. This has become my life’s challenge, and is how this blog came to be in the form it’s in now. It’s all about finding new and better reasons to love my life, even when I feel like I’m driving in the ditch again.